


Found

by ParticlesAndQuarks



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Jennifer "JJ" Jareau, F/F, Happy Ending, They love each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:36:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28477026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ParticlesAndQuarks/pseuds/ParticlesAndQuarks
Summary: Jennifer Jareau was so fucking sick of losing.
Relationships: Jennifer "JJ" Jareau/Emily Prentiss
Kudos: 58





	Found

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfic in a really really long time! I hope you enjoy it! This idea has been rattling around in my brain forever, I decided I'd finally write it down to start the new year!

Jennifer Jareau was so fucking sick of losing. 

First, it was her job. She hadn’t really  _ lost _ her job, per se, she’d simply been reassigned. Reassigned to a country over halfway across the world. It wouldn’t have hit her so much if she didn’t like the BAU. She adored her work at the BAU, even if she wasn’t officially a profiler. She was in a grey area, she had been for a few years. Not quite a profiler, but not the media liaison she used to be either. She’d picked up tips and tricks of profiling throughout the years and honestly, she had enough experience to be a certified profiler, she’d just never taken the classes. She didn’t know if she would either, it wasn’t really necessary. 

Then it was her family. Once again, she hadn’t exactly lost them. They all did their best to communicate, but it’s hard when the time zones are so far apart. They were Quantico, or somewhere around the United States, and she was in Afghanistan. Big difference. Even when she did manage to have a phone call or time to text with them, it was hard. She couldn’t tell them where she was or what she was doing. She had to make up some stupid lie that they without a doubt saw through, at least once. No one ever mentioned it though. If she wasn’t being upfront, there was probably a reason. They did work in the government after all. 

It was shortly after that the first big loss hit her. She’d lost her baby. She didn’t even know what was happening until it was over. It was all a whirlwind. First they’d found out that Tivon Askari, her partner, was a double agent. They were supposed to just go catch him, it was supposed to be simple. Get in the Humvee and go with the rest of the convoy to get him. Of course it couldn’t be that simple. He’d sent an IED to clear out her convoy. She was knocked out from the blast, she didn’t even wake up until a few days had gone by. She laid there, utterly numb from all the pain, only to be told by the doctor that her baby was gone. The baby she’d just gotten the opportunity to tell Will about the week before. Now she’d have to tell him it was gone. 

It took a while, but eventually she lost Will too. It wasn’t anyone’s fault, she didn’t blame him. She didn’t blame herself. It was just an unfortunate consequence of what happened. Neither of them exactly knew how to cope with the loss of their baby, they certainly didn’t know how to help each other. It was slow and gradual, but they drifted. They both still had love for each other, but it wasn’t the same. She came home and they’d kept their relationship up for a few weeks before they decided to split. They were still friends and they still cared for each other, but it still felt like a loss. She’d lost the relationship in the manner it had been before. Sometimes she found herself mourning over it and she’d call him up, go for a coffee and reminisce on better times. Sometimes that wasn’t enough. 

Just when she thought all the loss was over, it had to be because she couldn’t survive anymore, that’s when Doyle came. Came and ripped Emily out of her life, out of all the team’s lives. The day after Emily supposedly died, JJ couldn’t even get out of bed. She curled up in a little ball, hugging a pillow to her chest, and sobbed. She felt so empty and she wasn’t sure she could go on any more. How much more could she lose before she fully lost herself? She wasn’t sure she wasn’t at that point already. By the end of the night, she’d vowed that this wasn’t going to be a loss. Not if she could stop it. Of course she couldn’t bring Emily back since Doyle was still out there, so she had to get creative. 

A few weeks later when she’d been sent to deliver documents for Emily’s possible aliases (passports in three countries and bank account information), she’d packed two suitcases. She didn’t really intend to come back home, not for a while at least. Even if she got the chance to talk to Emily and they weren’t on the same page with the whole thing, she couldn’t go home. She’d spend some time travelling or something. Anything to get her mind off the emptiness she felt. 

Her breath hitched in her throat when she saw Emily sitting at the table, waiting for her. Her grip tightened on the file as she walked over and sat down. “Passports in three countries and a bank account in each one with enough to keep you comfortable.” she said, slowly sliding the folder over to Emiliy. JJ looked up, her eyes flickering to lock with Emily’s for a moment. 

“Thank you,” was all Emily said before taking the file and getting up. JJ knew it would be this way. It had to be a quick interaction, just in case someone was watching. They couldn’t say too much or it could put Emily in danger again. JJ stayed for a few minutes after Emily left before going back to her hotel. 

JJ had conveniently picked out her flight. It was at 7 AM Paris time, which would’ve given her no excuse to miss it if you ignored the fact that she was jetlagged. Her body was still on Quantico time, meaning it felt like 1 AM. When she woke up and checked her phone, a small smile came over her. She’d missed her flight, just like she’d planned. No one had to know. Hotch could go on working at the BAU assuming she’d done her job and then gone back to the state department. She’d had a brief conversation with Rossi about coming back to the BAU, but he wouldn’t have too many questions. Who would want to come back to the job at that point? The team felt so lost without Emily, the grief making everyone soulless. 

She was lucky to have memorized Emily’s apartment’s address before she left Quantico. After she’d woken up and gotten ready for the day, she went to the market and bought a map. A good old fashioned paper map. She used it to slowly navigate the streets of Paris until she found her destination. She ripped off a piece from the corner and started writing a note while she jogged up the stairs. 

‘Dearest Emily, 

Hello, it’s me, JJ. God, I wish I knew what to say or how to say it. I just...I need to know you’re safe. I understand if you can’t let me in, but I’d appreciate seeing you again. For more than just a couple seconds.’

She folded up the note and slid it under the door as she quietly knocked on the door. She took a step back, her eyes trained on her shoes as she waited for either the door to open or the silence to hang in the air, indicating she should go home. 

It felt like it took centuries, but soon enough, the door opened. “...JJ?” Emily asked. Her voice was hoarse, likely from crying, and she looked so broken. JJ knew she didn’t look much better herself. 

“My god, you’re here.” JJ whispered as Emily pulled her inside. She shut the door and quickly did up all the locks before pulling the other woman into a tight hug. JJ absolutely melted in her arms. She’d needed this for months, just a good hug. She’d needed this before Doyle. Before she lost Will. Before she lost her baby. Before she lost her family. Hell, she’d probably needed it before she lost her job too. “I’m afraid if I start crying, I won’t stop.” she murmured, though her voice was clearly breaking and she couldn’t ignore the stinging pricks in her eyes. 

“It’s okay.” Emily whispered, stroking JJ’s head as she guided it to rest on her shoulder. “It’s okay to cry, darling.” she added, holding her close. And that’s what did her in.  _ Darling. _ It was so simple, just one word, but it opened up the floodgates. JJ hid her face in the crook of Emily’s neck as she started sobbing. “I’m so sorry...I’m so, so sorry.” Emily whispered as she guided JJ over to the couch. She sat down and wrapped her arms around the blonde, pulling her into her lap. There was no resistance from JJ, she held Emily tightly, clinging onto her like a lifeline. 

Eventually, JJ’s cries slowed and became sniffles before stopping. “I’m sorry.” she apologized, pulling away briefly to wipe her eyes. “I’m sorry, I’m such a mess right now.” she mumbled, brushing her hair back behind her shoulders and lightly fanning her face. 

“It’s alright, don’t worry. You’re my best friend.” A soft smile came to Emily’s face despite the tears that shone in her eyes. “I have so much I want to tell you, so much I wish I could tell you but I can’t.” she said as the tears finally dropped from her eyes. “I am so goddamn tired of crying.” she grumbled. 

JJ reached up and cupped Emily’s cheeks, tenderly wiping the tears away with her thumbs. “It’s okay. I wish you could tell me and I hope you feel comfortable enough some day to tell me, but I understand if you can’t, honey. I understand.” JJ assured her. 

“Promise me you won’t leave?” Emily sniffled, her eyes moving from her bitten down nails to look into JJ’s. She’d always found JJ’s crystal blue eyes to be so beautiful. Such a stark contrast in comparison to her deep brown ones. 

“Promise.” JJ nodded, gently kissing Emily’s cheek. How could she leave now? She’d done so much just to be there with Emily in that moment, she couldn’t imagine Emily would admit to anything that would make her want to leave. 

Emily took a deep, shaky breath before she started to speak. She wanted to sound confident, like she was sure that admitting this was the right thing to do, even though she was scared out of her mind. “I love you.” she rushed out once she was ready. “N-not in a friend way...I love you like Hotch loved Haley, I love you like all the love interests in the cheesy rom-coms we watch during girls night loved the protagonist.” she specified, nervously looking down at her lap. 

JJ froze as she heard Emily’s confession. She didn’t know what to say, what to think, what to do. She hadn’t expected that Emily would say that, not in a million years. “Emily…” she murmured as she carefully guided the other woman to look at her. “I love you too.” she whispered as she pulled her into a kiss. 

JJ may have lost a lot, but she didn’t lose everything. She didn’t lose herself, she didn’t lose Emily. After 7 months passed she regained her job and her family. Everything made sense again. In less than a year, less than 12 months, she’d managed to lose everything and win it all back again. Work, family, love, passion. 

Jennifer Jareau was so fucking grateful for winning. 


End file.
